this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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