You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
