everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
