A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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