I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
