yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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