How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
