please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
