She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
