you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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