FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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