just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
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