dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Can you bring me the toilet please
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
