Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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