Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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