My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
