I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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