Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
As shirtless as possible
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
