i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
