she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
