sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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