omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize