Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
