my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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