forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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