I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
