wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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