3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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