Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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