Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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