every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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