remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
