just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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