I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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