omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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