my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
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the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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