Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My vagina is very pro this idea
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
