Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
