Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
