fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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