i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
