I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize