Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
