why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
