Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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