i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
