guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
