i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob