I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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