That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.