There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Let's get the cat blown out
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.