Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.