I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
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Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)