Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.