i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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