I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
