well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
