You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
last night I used snow as a chaser
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
