this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
