Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.