Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
