We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
