just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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