it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
