Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
