STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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