then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
