So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
