Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
